terrorists

It started like any other day. The sun rose in the east, illuminating the back yard with its golden hue. The clouds were sporadic, few and far between, large and fluffy. Birds sang their sweet melodies; their own language used to express themselves.

Normal people, ones with jobs, got up and went to work, not expecting this day to be unlike any other Tuesday. Kids went to school, carrying backpacks and sack lunches. Parents filed in front of schools to drop their little ones off or kissed their foreheads at bus stops.

Sadie Montgomery, however, lay still in her bed. She didn’t have a job or any kids. No real reason to get up at any reasonable hour. Her new fiancé, Ryan, had gotten up a while ago, and judging by the lack of sound in the house, he’d likely gone to the garage where he had a home gym. This was fine with Sadie. The solitude was something she enjoyed.

Lying on her side, she stared at the large diamond Ryan had placed on her left hand last night. It sparkled against the navy sheets, the sun streaming through the mini blinds made it gleam, sending little rays of hope into her heart.

She should be happy. Last night she was. For years, all she could think about was the day when Ryan would want to marry her. But for the last year or so, more often she dreamt of the day she would tell Ryan goodbye. Yet, when he smiled at her, reminding her how perfect he could be, and tossed the little jewelry box at her last night, she’d gotten lost in the moment, forgetting who Ryan had become.

This ring had been earned. She and Ryan had been together for five years almost to the date. But even before that, their lives had been woven together tightly into a mess of memories that could be summed up in one word: Forever.

As children, they had been playmates, living without reserve or humility. As adolescents, they held firm in their convictions, determined to be the best they could be. When they moved into their teens, they confided in each other, talked about how they wouldn’t fall prey to the growing pressure from their peers. God had been great back then, guiding them in their every step.

Sadie had fallen first, she supposed, but Ryan didn’t shun her. She never told him about the things she did with Tyler, her high school boyfriend. But Tyler was Ryan’s best friend, and she knew he told Ryan what they did. She could see the sadness in her friend’s eyes after that. Or maybe it was her own sadness reflected in the eyes of someone who knew her well. Ryan fell later, and likely only because everyone else had, too. They never talked about how much they let themselves down those last two years in high school, but they both knew things would be different today if they’d been stronger, able to stand their ground.

Then they were apart. Every other thought Sadie had was of Ryan. He’d been so perfect back then. Not only in the way he looked, but in what he did. He’d graduated valedictorian of their high school class, leaving three weeks later for a military career with the Marines. Sadie had gone to college and made decent grades, but the majority of her time revolved around obtaining booze and drugs, sometimes using unspeakable means.

Yes, Sadie had earned this ring. She held it up to her neck, compared it to the ring she wore on a fragile gold chain around her neck. The stones were the same size.

She had given up so much for Ryan. She had sacrificed a future she would never know for him. Her love for Aaron Lorenzetti, and his love for her, had been traded in on hopes Ryan would change.

She’d sacrificed her future, but that wasn’t all. She’d sacrificed herself, her self-esteem, her self-respect, her heart, her mind, her body, her job, her relationship with her parents, and people who used to be her friends. Everything she was, everything she had, every piece of her, she’d given it all to Ryan in exchange for this ring.

He’d been telling her for years that he owned her. Now he’d branded her, putting his ring there so everyone could see she was his property.

Still, on some level, she was happy. If he decided he loved her enough to marry her, then maybe he loved her enough to stop hurting her. He hadn’t hit her in months, and though words hurt more than fists, they were easier to shrug off. He cared deeply for her, this she was sure of, making her stop drinking. That was something he should have done years ago, and she wondered why he hadn’t.

Her drinking was his excuse for his life falling apart. This was true. As long as Sadie was drunk, making a mess of everything in her path, Ryan had a reason for why nothing in his life went right. But now, he was on the verge of something big with his band, Mile 258, and Sadie couldn’t mess it up. So she sacrificed again for him, allowing her to be stripped of her ability to pretend things didn’t matter.

Sober, life was bleak.

Her parents wouldn’t be happy about this engagement. Them, along with everyone in Ryan’s family, had been opposed to their relationship from the start. They all agreed Sadie wasn’t good enough for someone like Ryan. And when she caused his discharge from the Marines, it solidified their presumptions.

How would Jenny, her best friend, feel? And Trevor? Oh, man. Trevor. He wasn’t going to be happy. She’d been leading him on for months, letting him think they could be more than was possible. Sure, he was sweet and caring, gentle, but he wasn’t Ryan and he never would be. He was impossibly good looking with his soft green eyes, but he wasn’t strong enough for her. More of a passive kind of personality, he rarely spoke his mind, just agreeing with whatever anyone else wanted. If Sadie told him to jump, he’d ask how high.

Over the last few weeks, since all of this back and forth between home and Los Angeles, Trevor had become clingier, as if he knew she was pulling away. But she was pulling away because he was making this into something it wasn’t. He said he loved her and wanted her to love him, too. But she didn’t, not like he wanted her to. She loved what he did for her, how he made her feel, but nothing more.

Trevor would be heartbroken; no way around it. But Sadie doubted that would stop him from trying.

She sighed aloud and rolled to her back. Ryan was inside now. She could hear him in the living room; he’d turned the TV on.

Maybe she’d try to make pancakes this morning. Ryan had showed her how a few months ago.

“Holy shit,” she heard him say from the living room.

Sadie got out of bed and went into the bathroom. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, studied her eyes. What did others see when they looked at her? Did they see someone broken behind her sky-blue eyes? Or did they just look at the surface and see her physical beauty and not worry themselves with what was on the inside? Did Ryan look at her and see the innocence that had once been there? Did Trevor look at her and see the sum of all her deceit?

After using the bathroom, she returned to the bedroom and dressed in gym shorts and a tank top.

In the living room, Ryan watched the news.

“Good morning, fiancé,” she giggled.

He didn’t look away from the TV.

“I was thinking about making pancakes.”

He didn’t answer, so she sat beside him on the tan couch in their little living room.

The picture on the TV showed two tall buildings on fire. Sadie listened to what was being said, tried to read the words on the bottom of the screen.

“Where’s that at?”

“New York,” Ryan answered her solemnly. “The World Trade Center.”

She stared at the images on the screen, wondered how a fire started in each building. As she was about to ask, the footage changed, and the newscaster explained that this had been the scene earlier.

In this footage, only one of the towers was on fire, and to the left a plane approached and crashed into the other tower. There was an explosion and now the second building was ablaze.

Sadie covered her mouth with her hand and let out a small gasp. “Oh, my God.”

Ryan glanced at her. “That’s what happened to both of them. A plane crashed into them both.”

“How?”

He looked back at the TV. “I don’t know. At first, when it was just one, I thought it was an accident. But now, I don’t know.”

“Were there people on the planes?”

“Yeah, I think so. And people in both buildings.”

Sadie stared at the screen, the images of terrified looking people running down the city streets, debris and ash falling around them. Fire trucks racing toward the fires. Sadie thought about how much they had been flying lately, and that they could’ve been on the planes. “I’m so glad you came home last night.”

He looked at her again, put an arm around her shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze. “Neither plane was from LA or Chicago. They were headed to LA, but started on the east coast.”

“But still.”

They sat silently for a while watching the horrifying images on the screen. People could be seen jumping from the towers, and Sadie’s eyes brimmed with tears. “This is horrible,” she whispered. “Who would do something like this?”

Ryan sighed. “Terrorists.”

***

Corey Renier toweled off after a long swim. Since he didn’t have to work anymore, now that he was a full-time musician, he spent hours swimming each day while his girlfriend Jenny was at work. It was eleven in the morning now and he’d been at Fit World for about three hours. Jenny would have her lunch break in an hour. Though he hadn’t told her, he planned to pick her up and have lunch together.

It wasn’t that long ago that everything was uncertain with him and Jenny. She’d been torn on deciding whether or not to trust her heart or hang on to her past. Trusting her heart, she’d chosen Corey. He wasn’t sure exactly what happened when she saw Alex, her ex-boyfriend, but he didn’t really care either. All that mattered was that Jenny was back with him.

In the locker room, he gathered his clothes and headed for the shower. He picked up his cell phone to call Jenny and let her know he’d be there at noon. Surprisingly, she’d already called him three times.

She answered the phone at Tresses, the hair studio where she had worked since they met nearly two years ago, on the second ring. Her voice was apprehensive.

“Hey, it’s me,” he said. “What’s wrong?”

“Corey,” she breathed. “Don’t you know?”

“Know what?”

“Oh, my God. Where are you? Terrorists or something are attacking our country.”

“What?” There was no way. Not the United States.

“Where are you?”

“Fit World. I’ve been swimming for two hours, at least.”

“That’s why you don’t know. Go out to the gym.”

In his wet swim trunks, Corey darted through the locker room, forgetting about needing a shower. Ten or twelve people were gathered around the big screen TV. Corey stood behind them and took in the scene on the screen. A cloud of dust and smoke, identified by the words at the bottom of the screen as the World Trade Center in New York City, was the focus of everyone’s attention.

“What happened?” he asked.

People looked at him as if he’d been living under a rock.

“They flew a plane into each tower.” Jenny said over the phone. “And the Pentagon. Another plane crashed in Pennsylvania. They say it was headed to the White House.”

“Who’s doing it?”

“They don’t know exactly. Some kind of terrorists.”

“Holy shit.”

The scene on the TV changed, playing earlier footage of the towers crumbling to the earth. Corey felt sick to his stomach.

“Please tell me everyone got out,” he said.

Someone, a woman about his own age, faced him with sad eyes and shook her head. At the same time, Jenny said, “I don’t think so.”

“What the hell,” he said quietly. “I’m gonna come over there. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Ok,” Jenny said. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Corey returned to the dressing room and quickly changed into his jeans and shirt. Running his fingers through his wet hair, he put his towel and wet trunks in his bag and left.

Less than ten minutes later, he was walking into Tresses. Jenny was sitting in her spot at the front desk. She looked up at him, her beautiful brown eyes full of fear. “Hey,” she said, barely a whisper.

He tried to smile. “Hey.”

Jenny’s eyes were glued to the TV, and Corey watched too. The expressions on the faces of the people in New York and at the Pentagon were terrified, which scared Corey. Even the seasoned newscasters seemed uncertain. Over and over, Corey glanced at Jenny to see how she was handling it.

For forty-five minutes, they stared at the TV, neither saying a word. By noon, Corey had learned how the events of the morning had unfolded. The footage of the plane crashing into the tower, the burning buildings, the debris sifting aimlessly to the ground, a portion of the Pentagon in flames, ruble and destruction in a Pennsylvania field, the towers cowering as their structure weakened, and then seeing them fall, one by one, as if they were never made from anything more than the ash they now were.

Corey couldn’t take any more.

“Let’s get something to eat,” he said to Jenny.

She walked behind the wall that separated her from the stylists, probably telling someone she was going to lunch, and then reappeared.

“How many people you think died?” she asked as they walked outside.

“I don’t want to think about.”

“Thousands? A million?”

He looked at her furrowed brow, her frightened eyes. “I don’t know. A lot, I’m sure.”

They got into the vehicle, a new Ford Expedition. “Can you imagine what those people are thinking? Their families?”

Corey didn’t want to think about it. “No, I can’t.”

“I just can’t believe this is really happening.”

He reached over and took her hand as they pulled out of the parking lot. After a few moments of silence, she said, “I need to check on Angel. Let me see your phone.”

Angel was Jenny’s three-year-old daughter. She lived with Jenny’s sister, Jackie, downstate. Corey handed her the phone.

Jenny dialed the numbers and waited. “Jackie,” she said, relieved. “How’s Angel?” Jenny nodded. “Don’t you think you guys should leave Springfield? It’s the state capital. Maybe come up here? Why not? Really? You think so?”

She looked at Corey. “Jackie thinks Chicago is more likely to be attacked than Springfield. Maybe we should go down there.”

Corey blinked once. He hadn’t thought of that. They didn’t live in Chicago, but nearby in the Joliet area. If someone attacked Chicago, they would be fine. But if the plane got off course and crashed near Chicago…. “What do you think?” he asked her.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m scared, that’s all I know.”

“They’ve grounded all planes though. Don’t you think we’ll be ok?”

Her eyes went wide. “What about bombs or something? Remember Oklahoma City?”

Corey didn’t know what to say. He hated seeing Jenny so scared. “Whatever you want to do, Jen.”

She nodded. “I’ll call you back, ok? Yeah, this is Corey’s cell phone. I know I should get my own. I’m just not sure I can afford it. Ok. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you, too. Give Angel a kiss when she gets home. Bye.”

While they ate lunch, Jenny talked about the pros and cons of staying here and going to Springfield. Corey only half-listened. He couldn’t shake the horrifying images from his mind that had been on the TV. And with all the flying he’d been doing lately, he was glad to be home.

“I need to call Trevor,” he said suddenly. Trevor and Sadie were likely still asleep. With Ryan in Los Angeles, the two of them lived like he didn’t exist. Not that it mattered to Corey if Ryan existed or not, but what Trevor and Sadie were doing was getting out of hand.

“Hello?” his friend said, his words slurred.

“Are you still sleeping?” Corey asked.

“No.” The word came out clearer.

“Am I interrupting something?”

Trevor sighed. “Ryan came back. She went home with him last night.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. And she was so happy to see him. I just don’t get it, Corey.”

“Man, I told you. You’re getting in over your head with her. She’s not gonna leave him.”

Trevor sighed again. “I don’t want to believe that.”

“Maybe you need to.”

There was silence on the other end for a moment. Then Trevor said, “You heard about that shit in New York?”

“Yeah, I have.”

“It’s sick.”

“That’s one way to put it.” Corey waited for Trevor to say something, but he didn’t. “You ok, man?”

“I’ll make it. It’s just that everything in my life revolves around her now and I don’t even know when I’m gonna get to see her again.”

Wow. The United States of America was under attack and Trevor’s biggest worry was when he would see Sadie again.

“I know she loves me,” Trevor continued. “Why doesn’t she just break up with him? I’ll protect her from him.”

Corey looked at Jenny and rolled his eyes. She gave him a curious look. “If she left Ryan for you, what would that do for the band?” Jenny rolled her eyes, too.

“Man, I don’t even care about that and you know it. If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve quit that shit a long time ago.”

That was true. But now they had a contract to make an album and one of the best managers in the business. Cory and Ryan had quit their jobs when they received a hefty advance, plus there was steady income promised to come. Trevor however, had given Fit World substantial notice to give them time to find a new manager.

“I know Trev, but you can’t put all your eggs in one basket.”

Trevor let out a short laugh. “A little too late for that.”

“Why are you so in love with her? With all you know about what she’s done? Don’t you think that even if she left Ryan for you, that she would just cheat on you like she does him?”

“No. I would never treat her that way. She wouldn’t have a reason to cheat.” He let out his breath slowly. “She says that I make her feel loved. And that if Ryan could make her feel that way, then everything would be fine.”

Corey bit his lip. “Ok, but has she ever told you what she needs you to do to make everything fine with you?”

“She needs me to be there and not let her go.”

Corey shook his head. “You’re an idiot.”

Trevor ignored him. “Did she ever tell you stuff like that?”

The last thing Corey wanted to think about was the eight months Sadie had cheated on Ryan with him. “She told me some weird stuff.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone. “Did you think she was gonna be with you, too?”

“God, no, Trevor.”

“Then what?”

“This isn’t the time or the place.”

“Oh. Jenny with you?”

“Yes.”

Trevor sighed. “Alright. I’ll talk to you later.”

“It’ll be fine, Trev.”

“Sure.”

When they hung up, Corey told Jen, “He’s more worried about Sadie than all this stuff going on.”

“Figures. She’s like a virus. She gets in your blood, and you practically need a transfusion to get rid of her.”

Corey laughed but felt a twinge of guilt. Jenny knew about the affair he had with Sadie. It was before they were together, but she still didn’t like it. Jenny was jealous of Sadie and Corey didn’t understand why. Though when you think of Sadie as a virus that gets in your blood, and how Corey knew he still couldn’t resist her when given the opportunity, her jealousy made sense. Trevor was the only person who knew about his mistake last month, and Sadie and Trevor both promised not to ever tell Jenny, even though he and Jen had been broken up at the time. He hadn’t spoken to Jenny in over a month when Sadie finally got him to cave. He’d been adamant with Sadie until that night, insisting he didn’t want her, when he knew he did.

Maybe he needed a transfusion, too. “A virus. That’s good.” He smiled weakly at Jenny. “Maybe we should set Trev up with someone. What about your friend from work?”

“Mindy?” Jenny asked with a nod. “That might work.”

After he dropped Jenny back off at Tresses, he drove to the apartment he supposedly shared with Trevor. He hadn’t stayed there at all in nearly a month, either sleeping at Jenny’s or being in LA. On his way, he called his mom, his brother, and his sister. Something about the tragic events of the day made him want to be in touch with them.

At the apartment, he half-listened to Trevor whine and complain about Sadie. And Ryan. He watched his friend drink too many beers. This had been him not too long ago, whining and complaining about Jenny. But somehow, he couldn’t find it in himself to be supportive.

Around four o’clock, Trevor’s cell phone rang, and Corey saw that as his escape. He gave a wave to Trevor, but he didn’t notice, so Corey waited.

“No, I haven’t seen him,” Trevor said. “You’re scared? Why?”

Corey shifted his weight.

“Yeah, of course I’ll come over.” Trevor hung up the phone a moment later and looked at Corey.

Corey narrowed his eyes. “Sadie?”

Trevor stood up. “Yeah. Ryan took off and won’t answer his phone and she’s scared with all these plane crashes and stuff. So I’m gonna go over there.”

Corey took his cell phone from his pocket and held up a finger to Trevor. “Wait,” he said. He called Ryan’s cell phone and got no answer. “Hey,” he said into the voice mail. “Sadie’s looking for you. She’s worried. Give her a call, ok?”

“Why’d you do that?”

“You don’t need to go over there. Just let it go.”

Trevor took a step closer to Corey, drew his eyebrows together. “What’s your problem, Corey?” he asked, his voice raised. “This is my life, and if I want to fuck it up, I will.”

Corey stepped back and shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever, man. Have at it.” Trevor’s anger didn’t bother Corey. He was way too even tempered to really get mad. In fact, Corey’d be willing to bet that by the time Trevor got to Sadie and Ryan’s house that he’d regret yelling at Corey.

Trevor turned away from Corey and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

you know what it is

As Trevor Dixon approached Willow Grove, the little town outside Joliet where Sadie lived with Ryan, he started to feel bad about raising his voice at Corey. He’d think Corey, of all people, would understand how he felt about Sadie. Corey spent over a year and a half waiting for Jenny to break up with her boyfriend. He never gave up. He said he did all the time, but never really did. Corey would still be waiting for her now, even if she had stayed with Alex.

When he pulled onto Drury Lane, he could see that Ryan’s black Camaro wasn’t in the driveway. This calmed Trevor slightly. Anymore, whenever he knew he was about to see Sadie, he felt this uncontrollable anticipation. Nerves maybe.

He parked in the street and made his way to the front door. Hesitating slightly, he remembered that he’d been drinking. Sadie would smell the beer immediately. Then she’d ask for alcohol. And he’d give in.

Anything to make her happy.

He rang the doorbell, and she answered the door. Her blue eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. She gave him a half smile and walked away. Inside, he studied her from the doorway. She was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and, as always, he gave her body a once over. Unlike most guys who looked at her and saw the long legs, narrow waist and large chest, he looked for new bruises. Signs that Ryan had hurt her.

“Have you been crying?” he asked. “Did you guys have another fight?” Making his way to the couch, he sat beside her.

She shook her head. “No. I’m just upset about all this.” She pointed quickly at the TV, and then crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m really scared. What if you guys would’ve been on those planes?”

He tried to take her hand, but she wouldn’t let him. Instead, he put his arm around her and pulled her close, breathing in the sweet scent of her. “It’s ok,” he whispered.

She pulled away from him. “No, it’s not! All those people are dead!”

He pulled her close again, needing to feel her warmth.

She pushed his shoulder. “C’mon, Trev. Get off me.”

“I miss you.”

Her eyes studied him, searched into his. “You’ve been drinking.”

He pulled away. “No, I haven’t.”

She looked at the TV. “You can’t fool the alcoholic. Even if she is sober.” Her eyes found his again. “How could you miss me? It’s barely been twenty-four hours since I left.”

He touched her face. “But you left so suddenly. I wasn’t ready. I thought we had a lot more time.”

She shook her head slightly and turned away from him.

With his forefinger, he touched her chin and tried to turn her face back to his. She didn’t budge, so he leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

“Stop.”

“Sadie, please. Kiss me.” He was desperate for any sign she wasn’t pulling away from his heart.

She looked at him, kissed him quickly and went back to the TV. “Back off. Ryan could walk in at any minute.”

Trevor sank back in the couch at this reminder of reality. Undeterred, he got out his cell phone and dialed Ryan’s cell phone number. When the voice mail picked up, he said, “Hey. Where you at? I’m at your house. See you when you get here.”

He looked at Sadie. “Now he knows I’m here. It won’t be surprising.”

“It will be if your hands are all over me.”

Trevor sighed, but reached over and rubbed her bare thigh. That was a bad idea. Feeling her soft skin made him want to do things that she was obviously opposed to right now.

She stood up suddenly and something caught his eye. Something on her hand. Her left hand.

Falling onto an armchair, she glanced at him and tucked her hands under her legs.

“Sadie,” he said. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t want you sitting that close to me.”

He moved to her, kneeling on the floor in front of the chair and pulled at her left hand, trying to get it from under her.

“What are you doing?” she asked. “Maybe you should leave.” She kept her hands securely tucked under her.

“Just let me hold your hand.”

Their eyes met and held. Hers were dark, hiding something, and he knew. He knew what he saw.

With a heavy sigh, she held out her left hand. On the ring finger, there was a ring. An engagement ring.

A sick feeling rose in Trevor faster than he could comprehend. “What is that?”

“You know what it is.”

“Why are you wearing it?” He waited for her to answer, but she didn’t. Her eyes watched him, but his were locked on the ring. He could feel the blood draining from his face. “But I love you. I’ll never hurt you.”

She reached out for him, her hand sliding along the side of his face. “I know.”

“Then why?” He wasn’t sure the words left his lips.

“You know.”

He shook his head. “I don’t. Are you scared? Were you afraid to say no?”

She smiled softly. “We’ve been together a long time.”

“So?” Waiting for her to say something was painstaking. Trevor wanted to scream at her how wrong it was to marry a man like Ryan, but he couldn’t. He just had to make his argument and hope to sway her. “Sadie, we can be together. You and me.”

“Nothing is final.”

His heart skipped a beat. “What’s that mean?”

“It means just because I’m wearing this ring doesn’t mean we’re for sure getting married. A lot can happen between now and then.” There was a mischievous sparkle in her eye.

A flicker of hope landed on his soul. “Like me and you going somewhere far away?” It was a scenario they had talked about several times. They would go to Florida, somewhere on the panhandle, or maybe Myrtle Beach.

She bit her lip, hesitating. “Or I could be dead.”

“Let me protect you.” His eyes darted around the room. “We could leave now.”

“Today? No, not today. He’s really upset about all this stuff happening.”

Furrowing his brow, he asked, “All what stuff?”

Her eyebrows lifted. “The terrorist stuff.”

“Oh.” He kept forgetting about that. It seemed pretty bad, lots of lives lost, but no one he knew. “Soon?”

She sighed loudly, tossed her head back. Her long blonde curls shifted on her shoulders. “We’ve been over this before, Trev.” She shook her head. “You’re really making me want to drink.”

He straightened. “You want me to go get you something?” Anything to make her happy.

She let out a laugh. “And how would we explain that to Ryan?”

“Who cares, Sadie? Be who you are. Not who he wants you to be.” Trevor knew he was wrong and really hoped Sadie wouldn’t want him to get her any liquor. But if she did, he would. He had to be the opposite of Ryan to win her heart.

“Trevor, I know what you’re trying to do. And it’s sweet. Really, it is. And when Ryan won’t be around, things can be normal. Normal for us. But he can walk through that door right now, and what’s he gonna see? You sitting at my feet, holding my hand, with that sad look in your eyes. And after the whole underwear thing last night, he’s gonna start getting suspicious.”

Trevor stared into her eyes and wondered how he was supposed to look anything but sad. The girl he loved was planning to marry someone else.

you lied to me

Ryan Gallagher stared into the froth of his draft beer as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. It had been a long day, and he’d had enough conversation to last him weeks without shooting the breeze with the bartender who wouldn’t stop staring at him. He’d come to this dive of a bar so he could be alone and not run the risk of seeing anyone he knew.

Earlier, when Sadie had gone to take a shower, he’d left. He drove to the nearest Armed Forces recruiting office and offered to reenlist in the Marines. If he’d told Sadie what he was doing she would’ve tried to talk him out of it. It had gone well at first and Ryan started to get excited. Then they got to the part about his discharge. The arrests, the AWOL, the insubordination, the fights.

They weren’t interested.

“I’ve changed,” he said, even though he knew he hadn’t. It was fair to say he’d gotten worse.

“Sorry, Gallagher,” the recruiter said. “The decision was final.”

All he wanted to do was fight for America, stand up for what was right. Now the nation was under attack, and only time would tell what was to come. He was helpless. A civilian depending on other brave souls to protect him. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He should be on the front lines, fighting for all that’s good, guarding his parents, his sisters.

Instead, he was in a bar. At home he had a girl who he loved almost out of obligation that he’d been dumb enough to ask to marry him last night. And it was her fault he couldn’t return to the Marines. Her with her cheating and lies and drugs and manipulation. Why had he ever let them become more than friends? What was he thinking?

The bartender moved closer to him; he looked up. She was so pregnant it crossed Ryan’s mind that she might have the baby right there on the bar. Her hair was black, long and wiry. Her eyes were pale blue and empty. She looked to be about his age, but then again looked years older than him.

Before he could look down again, she smiled. He smiled back out of politeness.

“I know you,” she said. “You’re Ryan Gallagher.”

Great, he thought. A groupie. His band, Mile 258, had a handful of them. “How do you know that?”

She cocked her head. “You used to be friends with Tyler Blakely.”

Ryan was taken aback. Tyler had been his best friend in high school. “I did. How do you know Tyler?”

She rubbed her swollen belly and cocked her head. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“Is that his baby?”

She nodded.

“You’re that pregnant and he has you working in a bar?”

She shifted her weight. “He’s in jail. And I’m being induced tomorrow. I’m fourteen days past due.”

“Oh. Yeah, I forgot about him being in jail. But how’d you know who I was?”

Her smile showed crooked teeth. “I know all about you and Jenny and you and Sadie.”

Ryan felt his temperature rise. “What do you mean?”

“I know all about you and Jenny in Tyler’s truck, the abortion, you begging Jenny to leave Tyler and then getting with Sadie to make Jenny jealous.” She shrugged. “And you beat up on Sadie now and you were screwing Jenny-”

Ryan scooted back on his bar stool. “Tyler told you all this?”

She nodded. “That’s why he and Jenny have so many problems.”

“Why would he and Jenny have problems? They broke up years ago.”

“Well, all the problems with Angel, you know.”

“Angel?”

“Yeah.”

“Who the hell is Angel?”

She stared at him for a long moment. “Angelica? Their daughter?”

The blood drained from Ryan’s face. He gripped the edge of the bar. “They don’t have a daughter.”

“Yes, they do.”

Ryan stared at this girl, seeing her differently now. “That’s Tyler’s second kid?” he asked, pointing at her belly.

She shook her head. “He has a boy, too. Carson, I think, but he never sees him.”

“Jenny had a baby.” It was a statement. A sad statement. “She had Tyler’s baby.”

“Yeah, because she felt too much guilt over what she did with yours. And then she throws it in Tyler’s face that she should’ve had your baby because you would’ve been a better father than him. I say she wouldn’t have been a good mom no matter what, but Tyler won’t listen to me.”

Ryan could feel his mind starting to shut down. He didn’t want to hear anything else this girl had to say. “So if Tyler’s in jail, and I know where Jenny is, then where is this kid? Do you have her?”

She laughed. “Hell, no. I can barely take care of the two I have, plus this new one.” She shook her head. “No. Angel lives in Springfield with Jenny’s sister.”

Ryan got up from the bar stool and started to leave, but turned around when he realized he hadn’t paid. He tossed some cash on the bar and said, “Good luck tomorrow.”

When he got into his car, he sat in the parking lot for a long time. He’d turned his cell phone off hours ago when Sadie had been calling every other minute. Now he turned it back on. Seven voice messages. He played them all; five from Sadie, one from Corey, one from Trevor. He called Corey back.

“Where you at?” he asked when Corey answered. He knew wherever Corey was, Jenny was.

“At Jenny’s.”

Ryan started his car and headed to Willow Grove. He knew Jenny had moved into an apartment across the street from her mom, so it shouldn’t be difficult to find. While he drove, he talked to Corey about the events of the day with certain sadness. He and Corey didn’t always see eye to eye, but in the light of what had happened earlier, all that could be put aside.

Ryan let Corey go when he found his and Jenny’s car in the parking lot. Guessing from where they were parked, he decided she lived in the third apartment down in the four-plex.

He was right. Jenny was shocked to see him standing there when she opened the door. He looked at her shoulder length chestnut hair and her wide, sad, brown eyes and felt a little piece of him long for what almost was.

“What are you doing here?” she asked quietly.

Corey appeared from the hallway at the far end of the living room. “Hey, you didn’t say you were coming over.”

Ryan kept his eyes on Jenny. “You lied to me.”

She blinked twice. “About what?”

“You have a kid.”

Her eyes widened. “Shit.”

Corey approached. “What’s going on?”

She looked up at Corey. “He knows about Angel.”

Ryan looked at Corey. “You know about this?”

Corey nodded.

“Do you want to come in?” Jenny asked.

She and Corey moved inside, and Ryan stepped into her apartment. “How old is she?” he asked.

“Three and a half.” She hesitated, then asked, “How’d you find out?”

Ryan sat on the couch. He recognized it. It used to be at Corey and Trevor’s apartment. He and Sadie had slept on it for over a month when their furnace broke. “It’s weird, actually. This pregnant bartender said she knew me because I used to be Tyler’s friend. She’s his girlfriend.”

“Bobbi,” Jenny said shortly. “She’s still pregnant? She should’ve had that baby by now.”

“Tomorrow,” Ryan said. “She’s really past due they’re inducing her. Anyway, she said that I’m the reason you and Tyler have so many problems. And I said why would they have problems, they broke up years ago. And that’s when she told me.” Jenny had sat next to him, Corey leaned in the doorway. He searched her eyes. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

She looked at the floor. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You thought I’d be hurt by knowing that you had his kid, but not mine?”

She nodded.

They sat quietly for a moment. Ryan tried to decide just how hurt he was by this. He replayed the distant memories in his mind like an old home movie. “You had a name for him, remember?”

She nodded, still looking at the floor.

“Why’d you do it, Jen?”

“Do what?” she whispered.

“The abortion.”

She looked up, her eyes brimming with tears. “I was so young. I thought I was gonna be someone, make something of my life. I didn’t want a kid slowing me down.”

Ryan shook his head, not really understanding, but he doubted he ever would. Jenny hadn’t amounted to anything, really. She hadn’t even finished community college. Then again, neither had he. “So then why Tyler’s baby?”

She studied him, searched his eyes. “I was in love with Tyler for so long. I never loved you, Ryan. And I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t.”

Hearing Jenny saying she never loved him stung. No, they hadn’t had much, but they’d had something. At least that’s what he thought. “Do you know how different things would be?”

She nodded. “I think about that every now and then. But then I think about how you are with Sadie and I’m glad it’s not me.”

Ryan’s breath caught in his throat. “No. I wouldn’t be like that with you. I told you that before.”

She shrugged. “We’ll never know, will we?”

Ryan closed his eyes and wished Corey wasn’t standing there, hovering. He’d known Jenny for ten years. He could never hurt her, at least not willingly.

Then again, he’d known Sadie for twenty-four years.

He took a deep breath. “I can’t believe Tyler’s having his third kid.”

Jenny let out a short laugh. “And he’s never seen any of them born.”

Ryan looked at her. “Really?”

She nodded. “Really. I didn’t call him until after Angel came. His son he didn’t know about for a while. Probably doesn’t even know his exact birthday.” She looked at Ryan. “He’s only four months younger than Angel. What does that tell you?”

“You already told me he cheated on you.”

She nodded again. “I should’ve known better.”

Tyler and Sadie had dated for nearly two years in high school. The whole time, Tyler had been cheating on Sadie with Jenny.

“Can I see a picture? Of your daughter?”

Jenny glanced at Corey. He nodded and left the room, returning with a framed photograph. Ryan had seen this picture before. “Your niece,” he said.

“That’s what she told me at first, too, man,” Corey said.

“Is this why you guys broke up?” Ryan asked.

“No,” they said in unison.

Ryan stared at the face of the little girl. She was nearly identical to Jenny, with her round face and wide eyes. She had a sprinkling of freckles on the bridge of her nose. Everything about her looked like Jenny except her eyes. They were lighter, a greenish brown color, whereas Jenny’s were coffee colored. “She’s beautiful,” he whispered. The little girl looked so much like Jenny that he wondered if their own child would have looked like this, only with Ryan’s dark blue eyes instead of Tyler’s hazel ones.

Ryan closed his eyes and tried to conjure up an image of his and Jenny’s child. The little boy she wanted to name Mason. “He would’ve started kindergarten this year,” he said. Tears pricked at his eyes, and he stood up.

Jenny stood up, too, and took the picture from him and dropped it to the couch. She put her arms around him and put her face against his chest. “It hurts both of us,” she said. “I’m sorry. Really, I am.”

Ryan didn’t know what else to do. He hugged Jenny back and let the tears fall. So what if Corey saw. Corey didn’t know what this pain felt like. Yeah, Sadie had that miscarriage, but neither of them will ever know whose baby it was. This baby, this one that Jenny had carried, had definitely been his, and it was gone.

For that moment, they mourned for something that never should’ve happened in the first place. But that wasn’t all Ryan mourned. He cried for all the lost lives in the terrorist attacks that day, for all the mistakes and failures in his life, for all the hurt he caused his family, for all the pain he inflicted on Sadie.

So many things could be blamed on Sadie, but this, this abortion Jenny had six years ago could only be blamed on her.

Nothing was ever Ryan’s fault. Someone else was always to blame.

***

“Why doesn’t she live with you?” Ryan asked Jenny. “Your daughter?” He pulled away and looked down at her with sadness.

Jenny Boston pulled the rest of the way away from him, realizing she probably shouldn’t have hugged him like that. She looked at Corey. He seemed unbothered by Ryan’s unexpected visit and subsequent breakdown. “Because Tyler’s in jail,” she said. It was only a half truth, but the truth as she wanted it told.

Ryan pulled his brows together. “That doesn’t make sense. Lots of people raise their kids with just one parent. Like that girl at the bar.”

Jenny knew this. Her mom had raised her alone. She shrugged and moved closer to Corey. It was time for Ryan to leave; she felt vulnerable enough to break.

There were strings that tied people together for life, and she had them with Ryan. She didn’t like Ryan. There had been a time when she did, a few times actually, but not anymore. It would be ideal if she could cut the strings that tied them together, but that was impossible.

“It’s just how things worked out,” she said.

“How long is Tyler in jail?”

“I don’t know.” She looked at Corey, hoping he’d pick up on her need for his help getting Ryan to leave.

He did. Corey stepped forward and took her hand. “We’re probably gonna go to Springfield in the next few days to see Angel.”

Ryan looked at Corey like he’d forgotten he was there. Quickly though, he looked back at Jenny. “That’s why you go down there so much.”

Jenny nodded slowly and looked at the clock on the wall. Ryan looked, too.

“I should go,” Ryan said. “Sadie’s probably worried sick.”

Corey let go of Jenny’s hand and walked toward the door. “Where’d you go, anyway? Besides the bar?”

Ryan didn’t respond to Corey. Instead, he kept his eyes peeled on Jenny.

“Sadie’s pretty upset, you know,” Corey said as he opened the door. “Trevor went over there hours ago.”

Slowly, Ryan turned to Corey. “I know. He called me.”

Jenny left the room. She went into her bedroom and sat on the edge of her bed, listening to Corey and Ryan’s conversation.

“He called you?” Corey said. “Hmph. Interesting.”

“Interesting how?”

“I don’t know. Just is.”

They were silent for a moment and Jenny wondered if Ryan was picking up on what Corey was implying.

Ryan sighed. “I don’t know what I’d do without him sometimes. He really takes care of her.”

Jenny rolled her eyes and fell back on her bed. Ryan was smarter than that. He must be in denial. How could he not know Trevor was sleeping with Sadie?

“Yeah, he does,” Corey said. “He’s a good friend.” There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Ryan scoffed. “Better than some.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Alright. I’ll see you later.” He paused. “Sorry to barge in like this.” Another pause. “Let’s just keep this between us.”

“No problem.”

Jenny heard the door close and sat up again. Corey came into the room and sat beside her. “You ok?” he asked.

His ice blue eyes were filled with concern. She gazed at them for a long moment and thought about how she would love to escape this world and live in a place as beautiful as Corey’s eyes. “Sure.”

He put an arm around her shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze. They both turned their attention to the TV again. It was all they’d done since she got off work: Watch the news.

Jenny was mortified by the events of the day, heartbroken by the loss of so many human lives. It was a tragedy, and for what? It wasn’t clear who had done this, or why, but the horror of it hadn’t been lost on anyone.

“Shit,” Corey said. “I should call Trevor and let him know Ryan’s on his way over there.”

Jenny sighed and situated herself under the blankets again, her eyes glued to the TV. She stayed this way for hours, Corey next to her falling in and out of sleep.

She wanted to be with her daughter but couldn’t afford to miss work. That wasn’t the reason she told Corey. He would tell her not to worry about money. He had plenty, but she didn’t want to rely on him. Instead, they made plans to drive to Springfield on Friday and stay in a hotel. Saturday morning, they would pick up Angel and go to St. Louis for the weekend.

Of course, Corey was paying for it all, but that was different. She just couldn’t rely on him for her necessities.

At some point she started to doze off. She woke once to Corey kissing her. Kissing him back came naturally until the voices on the TV caught her attention and once again her focus was on the news and the tragedy that had happened. Her inattentiveness didn’t avert Corey. He made love to her while her eyes were locked on the TV, the relaying of the day’s events. Thinking of everything else but what was happening at that exact moment, Jenny was overwhelmed by emotion.

Her life was a mess, and she’d caused messes for so many others, too. Like Ryan, still not over what happened years ago. And Sadie; Jenny was surely the origin of her low self-esteem. But her own mess was out of control. She wanted her Angel back, wanted to be a mom. And Corey had offered her everything, hadn’t he? He said he’d take care of her and Angel.

What if tragedy struck her life personally? What if something happened to her or Angel? They barely knew each other, and if one died, they never would.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as Corey kissed her neck.

She had to get her daughter back. One way or another.