are you sure?

Jenny Boston stared at the cover of Vanity Fair she’d set on the kitchen counter after getting home from the grocery store. Her best friend, Sadie Montgomery, graced its cover in a very formal, sleek gown. Her skin was airbrushed and flawless, her perfect smile whiter than reality. Sadie didn’t need to be airbrushed. She came complete with a perfect face and body for everyone to see. Jenny picked up the magazine and flipped the pages to find the photos of her friend inside.

All the pictures were perfect. In each one, Sadie wore a seductive look on her face, her make-up professionally applied and very much over-the-top in Jenny’s opinion. Sadie didn’t wear a whole lot of make-up normally, but in one of the pictures, she had more eyeshadow on than a clown.

Corey Renier, Jenny’s fiancé, came into the room. “What’s for dinner?” He went to the fridge and opened it, peering in at the contents.

Jenny shrugged, not looking up from the magazine. “I was thinking about chef salads.” Staring at Sadie’s waif of a body reminded her how she hadn’t lost nearly enough post baby weight yet.

“What’s that?” Corey asked.

“Just a basic salad with meat and cheese on it,” she said distractedly. Sadie was so airbrushed; you could barely see the freckles on her shoulders.

Corey stepped closer to her but stopped. “I know what a chef salad is, Jen. I mean, what are you looking at?” Jenny looked up at him and closed the magazine, showing him the cover. “Ah, that’s what I figured.” He ran a hand through his thick hair. He’d been letting it grow out and it fell in his face often. “I saw it the other day.”

“Some of these pictures are kinda ridiculous looking.” She opened it back up and showed him the picture with the excessive eyeshadow. “I can’t believe she let them make her look this way,” she said with a short laugh.

“Yeah, she does look a little freakshow-ish there.”

“Where’s Logan?”

Corey frowned and looked in the direction of the family room. “On his activity blanket.” He cleared his throat. “I turned on Blue’s Clues and Angel is in a trance.”

Jenny smiled. “Of course she is.”

“Did you pick up any beer?”

She tossed the magazine back on the counter, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. “No, I didn’t think of it.” Truth was, she purposely didn’t buy any. She didn’t like how much Corey drank lately. Sure, he had always drunk, but things were different now. He needed to be sober minded to help her care for the kids. Angel was four years old and as inquisitive and busy as a four-year-old could be. Logan was almost four months old and was a very happy baby, but he was still pretty high maintenance.

Corey, was a musician in a well-known rock band called Mile 258, where her best friend Sadie was the lead singer. He spent plenty of nights out with his bandmates at clubs and events, almost always coming home drunk. She didn’t understand why he thought he needed to drink on the nights he was home too. Couldn’t he just enjoy the time at home with his family sober?

She turned around and opened the cabinet to pull out a cutting board.

“You care if I just run to 7-11 and grab some?” Corey asked.

Jenny tightened her jaw. “If you need to, I guess.”

He came up behind her, touched her elbow and kissed her cheek. “Love you. I’ll be right back.”

She listened to the sound of his truck start in the garage and then fade away, followed by the creaking of the garage door closing. Sighing, she went to the fridge and pulled out the romaine lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers, turkey breast, roast beef, and shredded cheddar cheese. As she rinsed the vegetables in the sink, she thought about how she could talk to Corey about his drinking. It wasn’t that she thought he was an alcoholic. She just thought he was a better father when he wasn’t drinking.

Jenny walked the few steps down to the family room in their split-level townhome. Angel was indeed on the sofa, two baby dolls on either side of her, engrossed in the blue dog on the screen who was dancing because he had just found a clue. Logan stared up at his own reflection in a mirror attached to one of the toy bars of his activity blanket. Both of her children had dark hair. Angel’s eyes were hazel, but definitely more green than brown. Her father was Jenny’s ex-boyfriend, Tyler, who was currently in prison. Logan had large dark eyes, so dark they were almost black.

Returning to the kitchen, Jenny began to chop the lettuce. The darkness of Logan’s eyes bothered Jenny. She had brown eyes herself, but they were more coffee color. Corey’s eyes were a clear, pale blue. Logan’s skin, which had been pink when he was born, looked more and more tan every day.

The sound of the garage door opening startled Jenny just as it did every time. A moment later, Corey came in, an open beer in one hand and an 18-pack of Miller Lite in the other. He smiled at her, but she looked away. “Need any help?” he asked.

She glanced over her shoulder. “Maybe peek in on the kids?”

Corey trotted down the steps. She heard him baby talk to Logan, then come back up the steps. “Is Angel gonna eat salad?”

Jenny shrugged. “Probably not a lot. Maybe I’ll make her a sandwich and give her some carrots and tomato slices on the side.”

“Good idea. I’ll get that ready.”

They prepared the rest of the dinner in silence. Angel came in just as they were setting the table. “What is that?” she asked in a disgusted tone.

Corey chuckled. “Don’t worry, hon, I made something special for you.” He set the plate down at her spot. On it was a turkey sandwich cut in fourths, three baby carrots, and two slices of tomato.

Angel sat in her chair. “I ‘ont wike a-matoes.”

“Since when?” Jenny asked as she set the salad dressing on the table. She looked at Corey. “Wanna grab Logan and bring him up here?” He nodded and disappeared down the steps.

“Since awways,” Angel said.

Corey reappeared. “He’s asleep. I just put a blanket over him.”

Jenny wanted to ask what blanket, worried he might have chosen one that was too heavy, and it could creep up over Logan’s face if he woke up and started wiggling around, but she was pretty sure the only blanket in the family room was a thin, lightweight receiving blanket, so she didn’t.

By the time dinner was over, Corey was on his fifth beer. Jenny tried not to let her annoyance be obvious. She started to clear the table after Angel said she needed to feed her baby dolls dinner. Corey didn’t move. He sat at the table, his eyes on his beer bottle as he twisted it in his hands. Jenny thought about how she could tactfully approach the subject of his drinking without starting an argument. She didn’t think it would matter how she went about it; Corey would retort, and the conversation would quickly spiral out of control.

She shut off the kitchen faucet and was about to open her mouth to speak when Corey asked, “Are you sure Logan is mine?”

***

“I miss the snow,” Sadie Montgomery announced. She rolled to her side on the white sofa and stared at Dave Coleman, the guy she’d been seeing on and off for the last few months. “Have you ever seen snow?”

Dave glanced up at her from the magazine in his hands. “Of course I’ve seen snow.” His sharp tone surprised her; it wasn’t like Dave to be annoyed with her.

“Oh.” She frowned, trying to think of what to say next. “Where are you from again?”

“Portland.” His annoyance was even more potent.

Sadie sat up; she didn’t like how he spoke. It made her apprehensive. Edgy. Nervous. “I knew that. Guess I didn’t realize it snows there.”

Dave let out a heavy sigh and closed the magazine before tossing it on the coffee table. “It doesn't snow a lot, but I've seen snow. You’ve probably seen more living in Chicago.” His tone was very matter-of-fact, like he was explaining the four seasons to a first grader.

Her forehead creased in frustration. “Did I do something to piss you off?”

He rested his forehead on his hand. “No, not at all. This article.” He gestured toward the magazine he’d tossed aside. “It’s not great.”

“Oh.”

“The tour starts in a few weeks and this rag is saying our sound on the new album is unoriginal and that we just put new lyrics on old songs.” He sighed. “Not really the publicity you want when you’re going on tour.”

Sadie watched him stand and leave the room in a few long strides. Dave’s band, Cardstock, was the headliner for the upcoming tour Sadie’s band was opening for. She was not looking forward to touring at all. Two months of shows back-to-back. Riding in a tour bus with two of her ex-boyfriends, plus Corey and Eric, or with Dave who basically just wanted to have sex all the time.

The sex was amazing. Dave was into some kinky stuff Sadie had never even thought about before, and she kinda liked it. But that was about all that was good in their so-called relationship. She felt like she barely knew him. There was no connection. She didn’t miss him when he wasn’t around. She’d thought about ending the relationship, but with the tour coming up, then she would be traveling with three exes.

Sadie stared out the patio doors at the vastness of the Pacific Ocean in the distance. The sky was overcast, and she was willing to bet if she went outside and looked down, there would be big waves crashing on the rocks below. The power of the waves amazed Sadie. It was something no human had control over. Crossing the room, she slid open the accordion door and stepped out onto the patio, walked to the edge and looked down, placing her hands on the brick wall barrier.

The rocks frightened her. So did the waves. She was so high above the Pacific that if she fell, she would probably be dead before even reaching the water. The cool mist of the ocean spattered her face making her feel grimy, but she didn’t care. She liked it. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and concentrated on the ominous sound of the roaring ocean. It reminded her that something was bigger and stronger than her, and it wasn’t Ryan.

Dave’s hands came around her waist from behind, his mouth kissing her neck through her hair. “What are you doing out here?” Dave was a big guy, stocky and taller than her. When he put his arms around her, she felt bound in place, and she didn’t like it.

She shrugged, turned to face him. “Listening to the waves.”

His lips found her neck again while his hands found the waistband of her jeans. Fiddling with the button, he said, “We can make our own waves.” She rolled her eyes and pushed at him. He didn’t budge but paused to look her in the eye. “What?”

“I just remembered I need to call John.”

Dave raised his eyebrows. “You remembered just now, as I am about to go down on you out here in front of God and everyone, that you need to call John.”

She smiled coyly. “No, I remembered a few minutes ago. You just have bad timing.”

“Sounds like it can wait,” he said as he pushed her jeans down to her knees.

With a loud sigh, she leaned back on the brick barrier between her, the rocks, the ocean, and certain death. He lifted her feet one at a time and pulled her jeans the rest of the way off. “I don’t know if you know this or not, Dave, but there is more to a relationship than just sex.”

He kissed her thighs as he said, “I’ve heard that.”

“I mean, have you had a relationship before?”

Stopping, he looked up at her. She looked away. “Is that what you want, Sadie? A relationship?”

She did, but she didn’t. Even if she did, she didn’t think she wanted one with him. Not that she would say that aloud. She’d also never say aloud that the only person she did want a relationship with was not available.

Dave continued. “Because this year alone, you’ve been in a relationship with Trevor, and then dated me, and then all of a sudden you were with Ryan without even telling me, got engaged to Ryan for, like, five minutes, and then now you’re back here with me. I honestly just thought I was a space filler until Corey becomes single.”

Sadie sucked her lips between her teeth. Until Corey becomes single.

He stood up, kicked her jeans toward her. “I’ve accepted that, so don’t act like you’re here for something more.”

Sadie stood naked from the waist down, unaffected by his outburst. “Ok.”

“Are you admitting I’m right?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m just not going to argue. I’ve already spent too much of my life arguing with men about shit that doesn’t matter. You clearly have your mind made up and have joined the masses who think I am just spending my life pining away for my best friend's man. And that’s fine. Think what you want.” She picked up her jeans and started to pull them on. “I want a meaningful relationship, one that is equal and fair, one where my partner is my best friend, one that isn’t just about sex or fighting or who has the upper hand.” Her jeans were on now and she faced Dave and she fastened the button. “I want to be normal. Have a husband, kids. The fucking American Dream.”

He chuckled. “Your days of being normal are behind you now.”

She glared at him for a moment before deciding she really didn’t want to continue this conversation, and she really didn’t want to be here anymore. “I’ll see you later.”

He followed her into the house. “You’re leaving?”

Sadie ignored him as she picked up her purse from the living floor. “If you find any of my shit laying around, just send it to John.”

“C’mon, Sadie, you don’t have to go.” He reached for her wrist. “I’m just in a bad mood.”

She paused at the door. “I do need to leave, that’s the thing. I need to figure my life out.” Her eyes met his. “We don’t want the same things and you’re distracting me from finding what I do want.”

When Sadie got into her Lexus coupe, she started the ignition before calling Jenny. She needed her best friend to help her focus on her future and keep her from getting distracted with idiots like Dave. When Jenny didn’t answer, she called the next person she thought of that would absolutely love to help her plan her future.

“Hey, John. What are you up to?”

***

Life had changed so much in the past year for Trevor Dixon. A year ago, he was nervous about talking on the phone with Sadie Montgomery, and now he was looking out on a private beach in the Virgin Islands with one of America’s most well-known pop stars getting changed for dinner in the villa behind him which they had rented for ten days. Trevor had never been anywhere as beautiful as this island.

He turned as he heard Whitney’s footsteps on the deck. “You think we could just stay here forever?”

She grinned as she reached out and swatted at him. “It would sure be hard to do our jobs from here, silly,” she said in her syrupy southern accent.

Sighing, he looked back at the ocean. “We don’t really need those jobs, do we?”

Amused, Whitney shook her head. “There are so many beautiful places in this world that I absolutely cannot wait to see.” She leaned into him. “I’m glad to be here with you.”

Trevor placed an arm around her, absorbing the scent of her coconut shampoo. “I’m glad to be here with you too.” He held her for a moment, reveling in how amazing his life had become in the last six months. Whitney was amazingly sweet and intelligent. She was motivated and goal oriented at all costs. Most importantly, she was the polar opposite of Sadie Montgomery. Nothing kept Whitney Rhett from what she wanted, and everything she touched turned to gold.

“You ready?” she asked, straightening.

He nodded and followed her through the villa to the rental car out front. Trevor found the island to be confusing to navigate, so he waited on Whitney to tell him where to go. A short while later they pulled up to a restaurant, handed off the keys to a valet and went inside. Their table had a view of the sunset that was absolutely breathtaking. Sometimes it was hard for Trevor to act naturally around so many new things; things he never in his life thought he would experience.

Trevor grew up in the suburbs of Chicago. After he dropped out of college, he went to work at a local fitness center where he later became a manager and hired Ryan Gallagher. Trevor and Ryan, along with Trevor’s best friend from high school, Corey, started a garage band called Mile 258. Three years later they were living in LA making music as a living.

It was like a dream, but not a dream come true. Trevor never wanted this life. More often than not, he hated all that came along with how far they’d come, and even hated the people he was seemingly forced to spend his life with, but moments like this, sitting on a beautiful beach with Whitney, he knew he was where he was supposed to be.

Whitney ordered a bottle of wine and looked at the menu. “I seriously think I’m just gonna have fish tacos.” She looked up at him, her round nut-brown eyes shining. “They’re just that good.”

He smiled and opened his menu. After their wine came and they ordered their food, Whitney cleared her throat. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something, Trev.”

His stomach immediately tightened. Any conversation that started that way was never going to end well. He met her eyes and waited for her to continue.

“I think I want to host a New Year’s Eve Party this year. I want it to be really fancy, like a charity event or something.” Her eyes widened. “Or maybe I could make it for charity.” She nodded. “What do you think?”

Trevor’s lips formed a small smile of relief. “You think you can pull that together in three weeks?”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course. I mean, I’m not going to be doing it all on my own. I’ll get my people to help.” She kept talking about the party, the food, the drinks, decorations, venues. Trevor smiled at her and half-listened. He didn’t have people. He had a manager, and the band had a publicist, but he didn’t have people who would plan a party for him. Whitney had two personal assistants, plus a full-time stylist. It was things like this that reminded Trevor how far out of his league Whitney was. But for some reason she liked him, and he was fine with that. “You should call your people right now and tell them before they plan something else,” she said.

He chuckled lightly. “I don’t have people, Whitney.”

She sipped her wine. “I mean Corey and them. They have to be there.”

He nodded. “So, you mean my friends.”

“Yes, call now. Probably John too.”

John was Mile 258’s manager, and Whitney’s ex-boyfriend. Whitney rarely mentioned him, and when she did, she never said anything negative. She rarely said anything negative about anyone. “You want John to be there?”

“I mean, I don’t care if he comes, but you should let him know because I know how he can be with scheduling.” She leaned toward him. “I’m sure he probably has your schedules planned out through March.”

“Well, yeah. We’re going on tour.” She was right; John always had somewhere for them to be. In fact, he probably already had plans for them to attend some party on New Year’s Eve. But if Whitney was going to be throwing a party, it would definitely trump whatever else was going on.

“I’m serious, Trev,” Whitney said. “I’m doing this, so call them now.”

He sighed and pulled out his cell phone, calling Corey first. Corey didn’t answer, which didn’t surprise him. He knew when his friend was at home, he tried to focus his attention on Jenny and the kids. He called Ryan next, who picked up on the first ring.

“Hey, man,” Trevor greeted. “How’s things?”

“Boring, honestly,” Ryan said. “How’s the Caribbean?”

“It’s beautiful. You need to come down here sometime. You would love it.”

“I bet I would. How’s Whitney? Everything good there?”

“Yeah, perfect actually.” He paused, the reality of his life swirling in his head like it was a blender. “Her and I were just talking and decided she’s gonna host a New Year’s Eve party. We don’t have the details worked out yet, but it will be formal and probably some charity stuff involved.”

Ryan groaned. “I hate those things. You know that.” Trevor did know that. In fact, Trevor didn’t care for them that much himself. “Is Sadie invited?”

“Yeah,” Trevor said with a laugh. “Why wouldn't she be?”

“I don’t know.”

Ever since Sadie and Ryan had gotten back together, and then ended things almost just as quickly, things had been weird for everyone. The dynamics of Mile 258 weren’t the same anymore, but not in a bad way. Sadie was in the media spotlight constantly; her every move overanalyzed. Trevor got nearly an equal amount of press as Whitney’s boyfriend. America loved Whitney. She was seen as a strong female role model who wasn’t afraid to speak up for what she believed in. While Trevor didn’t particularly care for her music, he realized now it was who she was as a person that made her so successful. Sadie had quickly become known as a wild child, partying and being seen with every guy who was anyone in LA currently. She was bitter and nasty to paparazzi, and sometimes to the people in her circle.

Trevor ended the call when their food came, asking Ryan to let John and Eric know about the party. Trevor would call Corey himself again tomorrow. He’d leave inviting Sadie to Whitney. “Whatever came of you and Sadie doing something together?” he asked as he cut into his prime rib.

Whitney nodded as she took a bite of her taco. She hovered her hand over her mouth as she spoke. “Nothing really, yet. I know Mac talked to John, but John hasn’t gotten back to him.” She shrugged. “Part of me thinks it’s because it’s me, but then again that’s really petty and unprofessional.” She took another bite of her taco, a piece of fish falling to the plate.

“I don’t really see why you want to do it, honestly.”

“Why not?”

“I mean, you originally wanted to do it to try to become her friend. Now you guys seem to be fine.”

“True, but I think her and I releasing a song together would be a hit and people would love it. It would really help her image.”

“Don’t they love everything you do already?”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, not everything.” Taking a sip of wine, she looked thoughtful. “I think it’s more about growing our friendship, me and Sadie. It’s like, we’re friends on the surface, but we don’t call each other up to do things together. But we’re cool with each other if we’re hanging out in a group.”

A frown creased Trevor’s forehead. “Why do you feel the need to be better friends with her?” He paused for her answer. When she didn’t give one, he continued. “I’m not sure what you want to gain from this. I know her well. She is full of drama, and she will suck you into it if you get too close.” He frowned. “And I’m not just saying this because we dated and that was a disaster. It’s truly how she is. You can ask anyone, Whit. I’m just trying to protect you.”

She smiled softly. “And I appreciate that, Trev. I really do. But I think I can handle myself. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t really have any friends. The girls from The Dreamers, I’ve pretty much lost touch with all of them.” She shook her head. “It’s crazy, really. Everyone supposedly loves me so much, but who can I call when I just need to vent or whatever? I see other girls with their girlfriends, going on trips and having girls’ nights, and I want that, too.”

No one thought of Whitney as someone who was insecure or lacking in any area, but Trevor had learned that Whitney, like everyone, had her own issues. Trevor had dated Sadie earlier this year for a few months. It had started out fine but went downhill real fast. Before they had officially dated, Trevor had been borderline obsessed with Sadie. Once she became his girlfriend, he realized he was preoccupied with saving her, but she never wanted to save herself. She had spent years dating Ryan before him, and Ryan was controlling and abusive to her. Trevor thought he needed to save her from him, but the intricacies of it ran much deeper than Ryan’s behavior.

He smiled. “I want you to be happy, and if getting closer to Sadie is what you want to do, I’m not going to stop you.”

She let out a short laugh and flipped her eyes to the sky. “It’s cute that you even think you could.”

full of desperation

Corey Renier stared into the night completely enveloped in his thoughts. Even though he had suspected for a while, he never expected Jenny to admit there was a chance Logan wasn’t his son. He felt gutted.

“Are you sure Logan is mine?” he’d asked.

She’d frozen in her spot next to the kitchen sink and his heart sank. When she turned toward him, she wore agony on her face. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

He stared at her for a long moment, the blood draining from his face, before she started to speak on her own. He listened to her babble about some cop back home who she’d dated while they were broken up but had stopped seeing him about a month before they got back together. Her words ran together, and he tuned her voice out, his own thoughts taking over. He didn’t have a son. In fact, he had no kids. Jenny had two kids. His name was on Logan’s birth certificate, but he might not be the father. No, he wasn’t the father. Logan’s skin was a few shades darker than it should be.

Questions fired in Corey’s brain; he didn’t want answers to any of them because he did not want this to be reality. Did this cop even know Jenny got pregnant? Did Jenny ever talk to him? Should they tell him? Would he have to pay child support if they did? Would Corey have to pay child support if they got divorced?

Did he even still want to marry Jenny?

Logan’s cry could be heard from the family room. “This baby is cryin’!” Angel called out as if Corey and Jenny couldn’t hear it. Jenny didn’t move. She stood before him, still looking mortified, as if she was the one who’d just had a bombshell dropped on her.

Corey felt like he might be sick. He stood, grabbed a beer from the fridge. “Ok,” he said as he twisted the top off the bottle.

“Ok?” Her voice cracked.

“Yeah, ok.” He took a long drink as he tossed the bottle top on the kitchen counter. “You just dumped a shit ton on me, and I need to think this through.”

She nodded. “Ok.” She still didn’t move despite Logan’s cries.

“He probably needs a bottle,” Corey said. Jenny seemed to realize what she needed to do and moved toward the cabinet where the bottles were. “I’m gonna go outside for a while.”

It was chilly outside. Corey wished he’d thought to grab a jacket. It wasn’t that he doubted he could love Logan as his own. He loved Angel as his own. It was that he wanted a baby so badly, and then he thought he got one, one of his own, just to have that ripped away from him. If Jenny was telling the truth, which he believed she was, it wasn’t like she had cheated on him. It was bad timing and an honest mistake. But there was still a nagging voice telling him something else.

Maybe she did know she was pregnant when they got back together. When she had called him after they’d been apart several months, it was right after Mile 258 had released their first single. Trevor had pointed that out and called Jenny a gold digger. Maybe Jenny had done this on purpose to trap him and convince him it was his baby because she knew he could support her and her two kids.

He lowered his head to his hands. God, how he wished he’d kept his mouth shut. But on the other hand, he was glad he knew the truth now. They could get a blood test done and know for sure.

When he went back inside, Jenny was sitting on the couch, Logan fast asleep in her arms. “Where’s Angel?”

“I’m right here, Daddy Corey,” she said coming out of the bathroom, still pulling up her pants.

“Did you wash your hands?”

“Yes.”

He knew she hadn’t but didn’t force the issue. “Let’s go get changed for bed,” he said, glancing at the clock. “If you get changed now, we’ll have time for two books.”

“Is it bedtime?” Angel asked.

It wasn’t, but he told her it was. He glanced at Jenny as he followed Angel upstairs. She was crying silently, tears falling down her cheeks, her eyes locked on him. He wanted to go to her and pull her into his arms and tell her he loved her, but he couldn’t right now.

An hour and three books later, Angel and Logan were both tucked into their beds. Angel was fast asleep, but Logan could be heard making cooing noises at the musical mobile above his crib. Corey found Jenny in their bedroom sitting tentatively on the bed.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now.” He made his way to the attached bathroom.

“I’m sorry,” she said with a strained voice.

“Me too, Jen.” He finished using the restroom and washed his hands. “It feels like someone died right now. I didn’t expect this.” He walked back into the bedroom, his eyes settling on her. “I wish you would have told me without me having to ask. I can say that much for sure.”

“I wanted to. So many times. I was so scared. Scared you would leave me.”

He leaned against the dresser and met her gaze. “Why would that scare you? Because you can’t support two kids without me?”

Her jaw fell and he instantly felt bad for saying it. “Because I fucking love you, Corey. I want to marry you and have more kids. For richer or poorer. This is not about money.”

She sounded convincing, but still he scoffed. “More kids.” They stared at each other for a long moment. “Like I said, I don’t want to talk about this, so let’s stop. I need to think this through. Otherwise, I will just keep saying hurtful things.” He cleared his throat and pulled his shirt off over his head. “I will say that I want to get a blood test done as soon as possible so we can be a hundred percent sure on this.”

“Ok.”

Corey undressed down to his boxers and got into bed. It was eight-thirty in the evening, and he was anything but tired, so he grabbed the remote control and turned the TV on. “I’m gonna watch TV for a while. You’re welcome to join me.” He was upset, but not so angry he didn’t want to be around her.

“I love you.” Her voice was hoarse, full of desperation.

He frowned and didn’t look her way. “I love you, too.”

***

It was four-thirty in the morning and Ryan Gallagher hadn’t been to sleep yet. His body ached with exhaustion, but he couldn’t shut off his mind. The last few months had been a whirlwind of emotions for him, and the hardest part was having to pretend he didn't have emotions. The bottom line of it all was he didn’t feel whole without Sadie. He tried to tell himself it would all work out in good time for them, but he didn’t really believe it.

“You look really buff in these pictures,” Ashley Rivers said as she flipped through some photos Mile 258 had taken back when they were trying to get signed. She looked up at him from across the dining room table. “Is it the editing or….” She trailed off.

He stared at her. It had been a while since he’d worked out. Did he look that different? Snatching one of the pictures from the table, he said, “It’s the editing probably,” but he knew that was a lie. His busy lifestyle, drinking, and drugs, on top of the depression he masked well, had taken a toll on his body. “I probably should work out more,” he added.

Ashley stared at him, her eyes vacant of any emotion. “Maybe. I mean, you don't look bad or anything.”

He stared back at her intently, trying to make her so uncomfortable she would look away. It worked. She placed the pictures back in the folder and pushed them aside before standing up. “You need another beer or anything?” Her eyes flitted toward the kitchen. When he didn’t answer, she stole a glance in his direction before leaving the room.

Ryan sat back in his chair, running his hand along his scruffy jaw. He hadn’t shaved in over a week. Ashley was the younger sister of Serena Rivers, a former child star he’d met through Whitney Rhett. Ashley was younger than Ryan by a few years and naive. She wanted to be a part of the Hollywood scene, but she wasn’t known for anything besides being Serena’s younger sister. Ryan had been keeping quiet about seeing her partly because of her age, and partly because he wanted Sadie back. He didn’t want Sadie to think he was moving on, especially not with Ashley.

There were things about Ashley that reminded him of Sadie. Not the Sadie she is now, but the Sadie she was a few years ago. When she cared about what he thought and made a conscious effort to not piss him off. Ashley wanted nothing more than to please Ryan. She sensed when he was in a bad mood and steered clear of him. He could say whatever he wanted to her, and she didn’t argue or defend herself.

Ashley made him feel like he had control over something, even if it was just an illusion.

“Hey, Ry?” Ashley called from the kitchen. “I think I’m gonna go to bed.”

Ryan rose from the table and went to the kitchen, leaning in the doorway. She stood in the middle of the room, her arms crossed over her stomach, one hand rubbing her forearm. He grinned at how much she reminded him of Sadie. “You’re not tired,” he said softly.

She flashed a small smile. “I kinda am.”

Walking towards her, he shook his head. “Nah.” He reached her and put his arm around her waist, then ran it up her back all the way to her neck where he grabbed a handful of her platinum hair and pulled it just enough to turn her face toward his. “Let’s get dressed and go get some breakfast.” He kissed her mouth quickly.

“And then we’ll come back and sleep?”

He nodded, letting go of her hair. “Probably.”

Ryan wasn’t even hungry. It made him feel good calling the shots again, having someone who did what he said. Ashley hesitated before turning away from him. He reached out and smacked her ass as she walked away. His reward was a genuine smile from her. “Stop,” she said playfully.

An hour later, they were in the back of a cab, Ashley leaning on his shoulder trying unsuccessfully to stay awake. When they arrived at the 24-hour diner, Ryan pulled on a baseball cap before getting out of the cab. Inside the diner, he sat on the same side of the booth as Ashley, resting his feet on the other side of the booth. She laid her head on his shoulder again while he opened the menu. “What sounds good?”

“Mmmm. Sleep.”

He jerked his shoulder making her sit up straight. “You can sleep when you’re dead. Look at the menu.”

Ashley opened the menu in front of her as the waitress approached with a coffee pot. Ashley hurriedly flipped over her coffee mug. “Yes, please.”

The waitress laughed at Ashley’s desperation for caffeine. “Late night or early morning?”

“Both?”

Ryan placed his arm around Ashley’s shoulder and stared at the middle-aged waitress. She met his gaze. “What can I get for you?”

After they ordered and the waitress was out of sight, Ashley sipped on her steaming coffee. Ryan ran his hand along her inner thigh. She shot him a timid smile. “Coffee good?”

“It’s gross, actually.” She sat back, her head resting on his shoulder again.

He took her hand in his and placed it on the crotch of his jeans and started moving it back and forth. She tried to pull her hand away, but he didn’t let her. His other arm was still around her shoulders so when she tried to lift her head in protest, he held her head in place on his shoulder. “Shhh.”

Soon he didn’t have to hold her hand there anymore, she was rubbing him on her own. Ryan looked around the small diner, watching, waiting for someone to notice what was going on at their booth, his erection tight against his jeans.

The waitress appeared and set their food down in front of them. Ashley tried to pull away, but he didn’t let her. “Put your hand in there,” he said in a low voice.

She paused her movement. “In where?” Her little voice was littered with fear and that alone made his heart thump faster. There was nothing like the sound of fear in a girl’s voice.

“My pants, babe. Skin on skin.”

She made no move to bring her hand into his pants, so he reached under the table and unbuttoned them himself and moved her hand where he wanted it. On her own, she started rubbing again.

“Good girl.” Ryan picked up a piece of bacon from his plate and offered Ashley a bite. She shook her head just the slightest and he bit off half the strip of bacon in one bite. With his eyes closed he tried to concentrate on the feeling Ashley was giving him, wondering if he was actually going to let her get him off in the middle of this diner. It would probably draw attention. He could feel himself wanting to, but he wasn't close enough yet. He opened his eyes to look for the bathroom where he could take Ashley and finish this.

He didn’t see the bathroom. Instead, he saw a woman with a camera pointed directly at him and Ashley sitting in the booth across the aisle.

“Stop!” Ryan jumped up from the table, his pants still open. He charged towards the woman who jumped up and darted toward the exit. “Gimme that!”

Ryan tried to chase after her but the door from the kitchen opened and the waitress came out with a plate in each hand, forcing him to stop in his tracks. She paused when she saw him. “Everything ok?” Her eyes drifted downward at his open pants. She pressed her lips together and raised an eyebrow. “Your pants are still open,” she hissed as she walked past him.

By the time he made it to the street, the woman was nowhere to be seen. “Fuck!” he yelled as he zipped and buttoned his pants.

Ashley came out of the diner. “What the hell just happened?”

He glared at her as the waitress popped her head out the door. “You planning to pay, or do I need to call the cops?”

“Get a cab,” he told Ashley before going back inside to pay the bill.

They rode silently back to Ryan’s condo, Ashley suddenly wide awake. Ryan’s blood boiled and he was ready to explode. He couldn’t believe he’d been so careless. What was he even thinking? He glared at Ashley next to him. This wasn’t her fault at all. She was just as mortified as he was for sure; she hadn’t even wanted to do it. But he needed someone to blame.

“It’s going to be fine,” she said when they walked into his condo. At least she knew better than to talk about it in the cab. “She was probably just someone intrigued by what we were doing and didn’t even know who we were.”

Making his way to the bedroom, he didn’t even acknowledge her. She followed him, pausing in the doorway, watching him undress. They stared at one another, Ashley obviously trying to measure his mood. “Take your clothes off.”

She did, and stood naked before him, her confidence waning the longer he stared. She was tiny, standing at just over five feet tall and maybe weighing ninety pounds. Her boobs didn’t even fill his hands. Minus her height, her body reminded him of Sadie’s before she got breast implants. He stepped closer to her, still wearing his boxer briefs, and held his hand out. She moved forward and took his hand. He smirked at her. “Get a boob job, Ash.”

Her jaw fell as hurt registered in her eyes. Ryan didn’t give her a chance to respond; he covered her mouth with his as he pushed her against the wall. Her hands slid around his body, tugging his underwear down. Their mouths parted and he pushed her down to a squatting position, wedged between him and the wall. Before she could touch his body from that position, he brought his knee up, pushing it against her throat.

Ashley pushed at Ryan’s leg trying to get free and he grabbed her head and held it in place, pushing still harder against her trachea. Her eyes stared up at him wide with fear and desperation. He watched her face turn deep red, and her eyes start to glass over before he moved his knee allowing her to breathe again.

She fell to her side, gasping for air, and he fell beside her, pulling her into his arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered over and over. “I don’t know what came over me.”

Except he did know. He knew very well.

Eventually her tiny body relaxed in his arms. He lifted her from the floor and carried her to the bed where he smothered her body in kisses before gently fucking her near lifeless, exhausted body feeling like he’d won the lottery.

terrible idea

At least once a week, John Muszynski questioned his career choice. Having grown up in Los Angeles with parents who worked in the entertainment industry, it had seemed like the obvious choice. His father had been an entertainment lawyer and had always been a great resource for John when he started to sign acts of his own. His mother danced to the beat of a different drum, however. She was a set designer, pouring her creativity into the props and backdrops that people never noticed. She would whine about how no one appreciated her work, how she was no one in this big world full of people larger than life, all while wearing designer clothes and the latest hairstyle. John always swore to himself he wouldn’t end up with someone who worked in entertainment. And he hadn’t. His ex-wife had been in his biology class in college, planning to become a veterinarian.

He married her, just to fall for someone in the entertainment industry and destroy his marriage. Then that relationship failed as well, right around the same time his wife filed for divorce. After that, John was even more determined to never get wrapped up in another Hollywood diva. He hadn’t dated at all since his relationship with Whitney Rhett ended.

Now he sat face to face with Sadie Montgomery with completely too much ease while he admired the smile on her lips and sparkle in her eyes. As much as he refused to admit it, he was really starting to admire her. In the short time he’d known her, he’d watched her face adversity more than once and still come out on top. It was almost like she was invincible.

John slipped the plain white envelope across his desk.

Sadie looked at it, a worried expression crossing her face. “What’s this?” she asked, shifting her eyes to him.

“Open it.”

He watched as she picked up the envelope gingerly and peeked inside, looking confused at what she saw. “What is it?”

Clearing his throat, John adjusted in his chair. “Some sort of Christmas bonus?”

She dropped the envelope and cocked her head at him. “We both know that’s not what it is. It’s not even from Vine Records. It’s from his personal account. And I have a feeling not everyone got one of these.”

“I know.” Earlier in the year, Sadie had been sexually assaulted by an executive at the record label Mile 258 was signed with. She had chosen not to report the incident. Steve Scott was a grimy man, yet very knowledgeable of the industry. He had the power to make and break careers.

“Is this, like, to buy my silence?”

“He simply handed it to me and said to give it to you.”

“I don’t want it.”

“There’s a lot of zeros on that check.”

She shrugged, sitting back in her chair. “I don’t need it.”

Their eyes met. She probably didn’t need it. While John didn’t earn as much as the artists themselves, he knew his personal income had done well over the past year. “You could donate it. Maybe to somewhere that helps victims of sexual assault.”

She looked away. “Maybe.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Sadie had come in to talk about her career and set goals for the following year, but John needed to get the hard part out of the way first.

She snapped her fingers. “I need an assistant, right?” He nodded. “Can I pay the assistant with that?”

“You don’t have to pay the assistant personally.”

“I could offer it as a sign-on bonus.”

He shook his head, not really understanding what she was talking about.

“Jenny. I’ll hire Jenny and give it to her.”

“Jenny just had a baby. And doesn’t she have another kid at home? Your assistant needs to be someone who can go on tour with you. And preferably have experience in the music industry.” He paused, taking in her thoughtful expression. “And please don’t take this personally, but it should be a female.”

Sadie’s face cracked into a huge grin. “Now why on earth would you say that?”

He shook his head, unable to not return her smile. “I’m not even going to answer that.”

Laughing, she asked another question. “Do you know anyone?”

“I have several profiles you could look at.” He turned around and looked for the file folder with the profiles.

“How about Evy? She has experience.”

John froze. Evy was his old assistant. She was wonderful at her job, and essentially would be great for Sadie because she had a backbone and thick skin. But Ryan had cheated on Sadie with Evy, and the result of that affair was a baby boy. It was a terrible idea. “She also has a baby.”

“So? I think we should at least talk to her. Plus, with the sign-on bonus I’m offering, she might be interested.”

“Sadie,” John said as he faced her again, “assistants don’t typically get sign on bonuses. And it would be a terrible idea. It would cause so much turmoil.”

“John,” she said condescendingly, “Evy is a victim of Ryan, just like me. I think she and I would get along really well and have a lot in common. I have no malice with her.”

He chuckled disbelievingly. “I’m sure she has plenty of her own malice. She is not going to be around Ryan day in and day out. We have enough drama around here without adding Evy to the mix.”

She stared at him. “You just said I could hire whoever I want.”

He frowned. “Not Evy.”

“Can we at least talk to her and give her the opportunity? Let her be the one to tell me no.”

“You’re only doing this as some revenge tactic against Ryan.”

Her eyes were wide with feigned innocence. “I’m not. I swear. Call her, John.”

John knew Evy relatively well. She had a humble upbringing and, last he knew, still lived with her parents, and helped support them. He feared she would take this position just for the money despite the fallout that would come with it. Evy was a strong-minded woman who was not intimidated by Ryan and would not be subject to Sadie’s manipulation. She would probably do well keeping Sadie focused.

Against his better judgement, he called her.

***

Jenny fastened the last of the snaps on Logan’s sleeper pajamas while listening to Sadie droll on about how hard it was to be rich and famous. She was too exhausted, mentally and physically, to care about Sadie’s champagne problems.

Ever since Sadie had moved to Jenny and Corey’s neighborhood, she was at their house just about every day. It was nice because Jenny got the chance to visit with Sadie regularly, and Angel loved spending time with her. True to herself, Sadie always talked about herself incessantly before asking about Jenny’s life. Sure, Jenny’s life was boring compared to Sadie’s, but today, Jenny actually had something to talk about.

“So, uh, yesterday,” Jenny started when Sadie finally stopped talking. But that was as far as she got before she heard the front door slam indicating Corey was home from God knows where. She instantly felt nauseous.

“What’s up, sluts?” He trotted down the few steps into the family room.

Jenny looked at Sadie sprawled across the couch from her spot on the floor before picking up Logan to go put him in bed. She turned to see Corey blocking the stairs, his eyes on Sadie like she wore a flashing light beaconing his stare. Jenny glanced behind her to see Sadie holding her hands above her face picking at a cuticle.

“Why we gotta be sluts, Corey?” Sadie asked.

“I wonder that every day, actually.” Corey moved without Jenny asking and sat at Sadie’s feet. “Did you know Logan’s not mine?”

Jenny had just gotten up the steps and stopped in the kitchen to listen, her heart pounding, praying Sadie would choose this moment to be one where she plays dumb. Sadie knew damn well Logan wasn’t Corey’s; she’d been one of the few people Jenny had confided in.

“What?”

“Look at him,” Corey said. “He doesn’t look anything like me.”

“He’s a baby, Corey. He looks like a baby.”

“Not my baby. I’m pale. My skin, my eyes. He’s dark.”

“So? Maybe he looks more like Jenny. He does have your hair.”

“Nah. Stop playing dumb. She already told me she was seeing someone else and there is a chance he’s not mine.”

Jenny felt tears for the billionth time that day as she carried Logan to his crib, feeling an ache for the baby who was innocent in all of this. He was just a tiny human who wanted love and attention. He had no idea he was at the center of this turmoil.

When she descended on the steps back to the family room, Sadie asked, “What is he talking about, Jen?”

“Dwayne,” Jenny said simply.

Sadie’s hand flew up to her mouth, her dramatics on par for the situation. “You really think?”

Jenny shrugged as she started to pick up toys from the floor.

Corey let out a short laugh. “Don’t just shrug. Tell her.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” Jenny said quietly. She paused, meeting Sadie’s eyes. “I was getting ready to tell her right before you got here.”

“Why would you think he’s Dwayne’s baby? He doesn’t look like Dwayne. Dwayne was black. I think he looks like you, Jen.”

“I knew it,” Corey muttered.

“Timing,” she said simply, ignoring Corey. “He came early, which at first I didn’t think anything of, and then….” Jenny trailed off feeling the tears again.

Sadie shook her head. “You guys are ridiculous. Logan is Corey’s baby.” She looked at Corey, scooping his hand into hers. “And even if he wasn’t, you love Angel like she’s your own, right?” Corey looked away from her. “Shit happens. It doesn’t change the love you guys feel for each other.”

Corey pulled his hand away. “What are you, some kind of marriage counselor now?”

Sadie giggled and Corey looked at her with a crooked smile before focusing on Jenny, his smile fading. “We’re gonna get a blood test and then we’ll go from there.” He stood, rubbing his hands together. “Until then, you’re both officially the slut squad.”

Sadie kicked her foot at him, but he moved away too quickly, laughing. They waited, listening as Corey grabbed and opened a beer from the fridge before trotting upstairs. When they heard the sound of the shower starting, Sadie hissed, “What the fuck?”

Tears spilled from Jenny’s eyes as Sadie came to her. “It’s going to be fine, Jen. He loves you. He loves Logan. He loves Angel.” Sadie wrapped her arms around her as she let out a sob. “Corey would walk through fire for you. He’s not going anywhere. He needs time to cope with this. In a few weeks, everything will be back to normal.”

“I don’t know why I fuck everything up all the time. Like, I don’t even realize I’m making bad decisions when I do it. I just do stupid shit without even thinking about the consequences.”

“No, no, that’s not true. Not this time at least.” Sadie leaned back and looked at Jenny’s face. “You guys were broken up and you dated someone else. There’s nothing wrong with that. Like, did you even talk to Corey at all the whole time you were dating Dwayne?” Jenny shook her head. “When you decided to work things out with him, we had already moved to Springfield and Dwayne was out of the picture. You had no way to know what was going to happen next.”

Sadie was right, but it didn’t change the outcome. Jenny wanted to believe Corey wasn’t going to end things with her, but for her whole life, she had never felt worthy of anything good, so it was only natural to expect the worst.

After Sadie left, Jenny checked on Angel and Logan before joining Corey in the bedroom. He was sitting up in bed wearing only his boxers, his head drooped to the side in sleep. She stared at him, feeling pain in her heart. Love wasn’t supposed to hurt this much. She knew he hurt too, and she would give anything to turn back time and never even agree to going on a date with Dwayne.

Corey had never been anything but golden to her and this was how she repaid him.

After she’d changed, she got into bed next to him and shook his shoulder. “Babe,” she said softly. “Get under the covers.”

He shifted next to her with a groan as she pulled the covers from under him. “Jennifer,” he muttered. She ignored him, assuming he was half awake. “Jennifer,” he said again.

She looked at his face. His eyes were open and focused on her. “Corey.”

“I’m going to cheat on you.”

Frozen, she searched his face. “What?”

“I think I’ve earned it.”

“I never cheated on you.”

Corey shifted, moving under the covers and pulling them up to his chest. “Maybe not technically, but still.”

Jenny stared at him in disbelief. That was his answer to this?

“I’m not going to break up with you or kick you out. I love you, and I love these kids even if they aren’t mine. But I’m going to cheat. And you’re going to quit the pill so you can get pregnant again. But this time it will be my baby.” He rolled over so he faced away from her. “Good night, babe.”