supportive and patient

Ryan Gallagher pushed his fists into his eyes out of frustration. “I disagree,” he said calmly. When he looked up, Rob was looking right at him. “I think we need to find someone permanent.”

“Maybe he’ll wanna stay on,” Rob offered.

Ryan stood, setting his guitar on the couch behind him. “They’re moving back to Illinois. He won’t stay on.”

“I don’t know, man,” Chuck said, taking a drag from his cigarette. “If we can get him for our drummer then that’s four known musicians coming together.” He laughed. “We could call ourselves Card 258.”

“Or Milestock,” Rob said.

Ryan stared at Rob and Chuck, two former members of the band Cardstock which had recently broken up just as Ryan’s band Mile 258 had. They wanted to ask the drummer from Mile 258, Corey Renier, to consider being the drummer for the new band they were forming. “Are you guys really not aware of all that has happened between me and Corey?”

Rob glanced at Chuck. “Is there more to it than you fucking his pregnant wife?”

Ryan nodded. “That’s just the most recent thing. There’s a lot more. Like him fucking Sadie behind my back for a year and getting her pregnant. So I do not, whatsoever, want to work with him. Not even for a demo. Once we get done riding out the Mile 258 shit, I never want to see him again.”

“Alright, alright,” Chuck said.

Ryan wasn’t sure collaborating with Rob and Chuck was going to work out. Their styles were too different. Ryan was used to being in charge of Mile 258. Even though he wasn’t technically in charge, the band had been his creation and more times than not, Trevor and Corey went along with what he said. When Eric joined, he was the outsider and rarely spoke up or had a strong opinion about anything. Sadie, however, seemed to have an opinion about everything and would throw little tantrums until the others convinced Ryan to give in.

He was glad Mile 258 wasn’t making music anymore but apprehensive about where his future was headed when they couldn’t even agree on a drummer.

“Let’s just work on picking out some tracks,” Ryan said. “Phil’s working on the drummer thing anyway.”

Two hours later, Ryan walked into his condo to see his babysitter consoling Mason, his nine-month-old son, as he cried. “Mr. Mason is not feeling well today,” Tiffany said. “His temp is just over one hundred. I didn’t give him anything for it yet.”

Ryan held out his arms for Mason. “What’s the matter, buddy?” he asked softly. Mason definitely felt warm. “Where’s Sebastian?”

“In your bedroom with the cartoons on. I was trying to keep it quiet out here to get Mason to calm down.”

“Thank you,” Ryan said. “You remember tomorrow is later, right? I have a show.”

She nodded. “Yes, of course. And Miss Evy will be picking up Sebastian while you’re gone.”

After Tiffany was gone, Ryan found the infant Tylenol and tried to remember how much Mason got but he couldn’t, so he called Evy. “Hey,” he said when she answered. “Mason’s running a temp and I’m not sure how much Tylenol to give him.”

“Wrong baby mama,” she said flatly.

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I’m aware. You’re just the smarter one.”

Evy let out a short laugh. “That’s obvious considering she’s the one who let you knock her up a second time.”

“Ok, well, can you help or not?”

“Hold on,” she said. A minute later she told him the dosage based on what Ryan said Mason weighed. “Is he teething?”

“I’m not sure. He was fine when I left this morning.” He measured out the Tylenol while Mason whimpered on the couch beside him, his face flushed.

“What did you do today?” Evy was one of Sadie’s assistants so she knew Mile 258’s schedule very well.

“I met with Rob and Chuck from Cardstock and tried to iron out a few tracks to record for a demo.” Ryan snickered. “They actually had the audacity to suggest we ask Corey to be our drummer.” He squirted the medicine in Mason’s mouth. Mason got quiet and smacked his lips together while he stared at Ryan.

“Clearly they live under a rock.”

“Right. Like, I half expected them to suggest we ask Sadie to collab on something.”

“No bueno. She doesn’t even have time.”

Ryan paused. “How is she?”

“You just saw her yesterday.”

He pulled Mason onto his lap. “You know what I mean.”

“I don’t know, Ryan. It all seems like an act. I don’t think she’s ok at all.”

“Have you told Dave that?”

“Dave told me that before I even gave it a thought.” Evy paused. “She did cry the other day because she got her period though.”

Ryan pulled the phone from his ear. He didn’t want to hear that. “Alright. I’m gonna try to get Mason to sleep, I guess. You’re still picking up Sebastian tomorrow, right?”

Mason fell asleep spread across Ryan’s chest within ten minutes. Ryan needed to get up and make dinner, plus he wanted to start packing tonight. He was scheduled to move to his new house in less than two weeks. There was something about holding a baby on your chest that was so relaxing and he didn’t want to move. He thought about how it wasn’t that long ago Sebastian was this little and how he would be two years old in a few weeks. Snuggles with Sebastian were few and far between lately. In a few more months, he would have another baby. Just last week, he and Ashley had found out she was having another boy. They’d both been hoping for a girl.

Ryan thought of Jenny then. Her little girl, Quinn, was almost three months old. Ryan had suggested the name and he was honored she had used it. He’d only ever gotten to see Quinn once, the day after she was born when he went to the hospital just for Jenny to tell him she was taking Corey back. He and Jenny talked still, but it wasn’t often and he doubted Corey knew.

***

Corey Renier glanced at the Caller ID as another call came through the line. It was Jenny’s doctor’s office, but he was on hold with the utility company in Illinois trying to ensure the utilities would be on before they moved. It was still four weeks away but given the fact that he was literally doing everything on his own while having a full schedule of Mile 258 appearances, he was trying to be proactive.

Jenny rarely got out of bed. She didn’t interact with the kids. Corey doubted she had bonded with Quinn. Three weeks after Corey moved back home, he realized something was off with Jenny and asked Cynthia, the sitter he had used while they were separated, to help out. Now she came every time Corey had to be out of the house. Jenny had left the house only a handful of times since coming home from the hospital, most of which had been for doctor’s appointments. There was one time when she said she would go get groceries but then came home with nothing and said she didn’t want to get out of the car once she got to the store and had taken a nap in her minivan instead.

She chalked it up to postpartum depression and said the same thing happened after Angel was born. In talking with Jenny’s sister, Jackie, he learned what happened back then was nearly identical to what was currently manifesting. All Corey could do was be supportive and patient.

Last week, she’d finally agreed to go to the doctor to see about getting her antidepressants increased.

After the utility company confirmed the electricity would be on the day before they arrived in Illinois, Corey went upstairs while he listened to the voicemail from Jenny’s doctor. Quinn was awake in her bassinette but appeared content. “Your doctor’s office called.” He sat on the edge of the bed.

“Why?” she asked without looking at him.

“I was on the phone with the utility company and didn’t answer. The voicemail just said to call back.”

Jenny looked at him. “The utility company?”

He nodded. “Back home. Making sure the lights will be on when we get there.”

Her vacant eyes shifted back to the ceiling fan. “Oh.”

“You wanna call them back?”

She reached out for the phone and sat up. While Jenny was on the phone, Corey got Quinn up and changed her diaper. Quinn was such a happy baby. Corey had never felt love like he felt for Quinn.

The house they chose in Illinois had four bedrooms which meant Quinn would get her own room. Angel had helped Corey pick things out of a catalog to decorate the room with lilac colors. Then of course they had to pick out new stuff for Angel’s room too. She had outgrown the Winnie the Pooh theme her current room had. Corey was surprised when Angel said she wanted a rock star bedroom. He tried to divert her to a Disney Princess theme but she wanted nothing to do with it.

“Yeah,” Jenny said into the phone. “I’ll do that.” She looked at Corey. “Thank you.” After she hung up the phone, she stared at it for a long moment. “I’m…”

Corey set Quinn on the bed near Jenny. She made no move to touch their daughter. “You’re what?” Corey asked.

Her eyes found his. “Anemic. And my Vitamin D is low. They’re calling in some prescriptions.”

“That makes sense.”

She nodded.

“Did they increase the Prozac?”

“No.”

“No?”

She inhaled sharply. “They want me to take the vitamins and then they’ll do labs again in a month.”

“Oh, ok.” He glanced at the clock. It was almost three in the afternoon. Angel would be home from school in less than an hour. “Should I pick up the prescriptions tonight or can it wait until tomorrow?”

Jenny lay back on the bed and put her arm over her eyes. “I don’t think it matters.”

“I’ll go tomorrow when I take Logan to swim.”

“Ok.”

Corey stood and picked up Quinn from the bed. “Love you,” he said to Jenny.

She didn’t respond, not that she ever did when he said those words anymore. As he walked out of the bedroom, he heard her say his name. He paused. “Hmm?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He waited for her reply but she never offered one, so he went downstairs, leaving her alone.

***

When Corey got home the next day from Logan’s swim class, he pulled Jenny’s prescriptions out of Logan’s swim bag and tossed them on the kitchen table. “Those are Jenny’s,” he told the sitter before going into the laundry room to toss the wet swim trunks and towels in the wash. He barely had time to change before leaving again for a Mile 258 show.

He was the last to arrive as usual. It used to always be that Sadie would be the last one there but life had become so overwhelming for Corey that sometimes he didn’t even know what day it was. He relied heavily on Trevor to make sure he didn’t miss anything. Soon enough the chaos would all be behind them when he, Jenny, and the kids would be back home where Corey would be a stay-at-home dad while Jenny went back to school.

After the show, Corey made his way backstage. He overheard Shawna tell Sadie, “You have nine missed calls from Jenny.”

Corey stopped in his tracks and turned to face Sadie. Their eyes met and they both looked away. As far as Corey knew, Jenny and Sadie hadn’t talked since right before Quinn was born. He pulled his phone from his pocket. No missed calls. “Call her back.”

Sadie grabbed her phone from Shawna and walked away.

Corey turned around, debating if he should call Jenny himself. But if he did, he might have to explain he’d talked to Sadie and he definitely didn’t want to do that even though it had only been three words.

Ryan watched him from a few feet away. “Everything ok?”

“Fuck off,” Corey said as he walked past.

When he got home, it was just after one in the morning. The kids were all sleeping. Cynthia looked like she’d been dozing on the couch. After she left, he opened the fridge for a beer and maybe something to eat but the pharmacy bag on the counter caught his eye. He pulled the three pill bottles from inside it. Hadn’t she only mentioned two prescriptions? He looked at the first one. Vitamin D. Just as he held up the second one, the doorbell rang. He set the bottle down and walked toward the front door. When he looked out the front window, Sadie stood on the porch.

Jenny must’ve told her to come over.

He opened the door but didn’t say anything.

She jerked her head to her security guard behind her. “He needs to do a walk through.”

Corey nodded. “I assume you’re here to talk to Jenny.”

She nodded.

“She’s upstairs in the bedroom.”

Sadie pushed past him, made her way up the stairs and disappeared.

Corey watched Sadie’s security walk through the house and then go back out to the front porch, closing the door behind him.